A couple of weeks ago, we talked about the balance in our marriage. We talk about some of the crazy times we have try to keep the house from falling apart, make sure we don’t get fired from our day jobs, and hopefully get to take pictures every once in a while.
This got us talking about an important issue for a lot of young married couples – balance. We aren’t talking about balancing responsibilities and not taking on too much (although, keep your eyes peeled for that Marriage Monday post). We are talking about balance inside of a marriage.
Everyone gets a lot of advice before they get married. The closer you get to the wedding day, the more tips and wisdom people share with you (engaged couples, beware).
We got a lot of great advice, and some not-so-good advice. One of the things that has stuck with us the most is the idea of marriage being 50/50 – which is something we heard a lot of.
It’s an idea you hear about on sit-coms, in marriage-help books, and much more. The problem is it’s completely wrong. In fact, it couldn’t be further from the truth.
We think a lot of couples go into marriage with a starry-eyed view of how it’s going to be (that’s exactly what we did). They assume it’s going to be like a well-oiled machine, like on Leave it to Beaver.
The husband is going to do this list of things, while the wife does x, y, and z. They will juggle responsibilities. Every morning when they make the bed, woodland creatures will come in through the windows to help and sing while doing it.
I hate to tell you, it’s not like that. Marriage is awesome and it is an incredible partnership, most of the time.
At other times, it’s less of a partnership and more of one person taking the responsibilities. On the good days, it’s 50/50. Other days, it’s 80/20 or even 100/0. Some days (most days) it’s actually 100/100.
There are a lot of times in our marriage when one of us has to handle everything.
It took as a while to adjust to this idea. At first, we would keep score of what each other was doing. If one of us did the dishes, we felt like we had to make up for it to even things out.
We just want to encourage you that if some days, it feels like you’re the only one putting in 100% effort, you’re probably doing it right. Just remember, that tomorrow, you might be the one giving 0%.