At the beginning of the month, when everyone was busy making new year’s resolutions, I was inspired by hearing many people chose a word of the year. With that, the word “dwell” kept coming to mind, mostly because of the Aaron Keys song “Dwell”:
I will dwell in the shelter of the most high God
I will rest in the beauty of your presence
Your faithfulness is a shield and my great reward
I will not be afraid I will trust in the Lord
After coming out of the busiest season of my life and busiest, most fruitful season of my photography business, I was tired. I was empty. I was lamenting that the holidays were over. January and February tend to be my least favorite months of the year anyway. I am not a fan of cold weather and I just feel like there isn’t much that I look forward to in those months. It’s easy for me to “dwell” in a negative way, on the winter season. This year was no different, for the first few days of 2018.
I was sick for 8 days with an upper respiratory infection from hell, probably the sickest I have been since I had a stomach bug my senior year of college, 4 years ago. It was also a difficult and depressing time at work, yet again. And I was struggling with the idea of not being at the point where I’m ready to do photography full-time. So I began to pray “Lord help me dwell in your presence, spend longer there, not be rushed”….a very simple prayer. Selfishly, a prayer that felt more attainable for me, not to feel like I had failed at it, like some other new year’s resolution.
Fast forward to the second week of January. I had felt the weight, and honestly guilt, of not feeding my soul well or slowing down to seek the Lord during the busy Fall months. The word “dwell” was still on my heart. I knew I needed to dwell in the Lord more. I didn’t know how, and knew I had made this type of “read my Bible and pray more” resolution before. That’s why I had previously prayed such a simple prayer asking the Lord to “help me dwell in Him”.
So I began reading a devotion plan called “What’s my Mission?” on the Bible App, a study that I started about 6 months prior and then abandoned (typical Katie-move right there). And then I listened to a podcast about Sabbath from That Sounds Fun, with Annie F. Downs. It’s like the Lord heard my plea. I needed to hear him and spend time being filled by him. After going through the 7 day devotional and after coming back from a few days in solitude with 2 of our couple friends, I then had a job interview.
All of this to say, that today was my last day at the Haven and I start a new job in the Marketing department at TTI in Anderson on Monday.
I bring all of this up because during about 8 months of waiting, of not knowing when/if I would feel like I could leave a job that I knew without a doubt it was time to leave. I just pressed on through it, without every sincerely stopping to seek the Lord. Of course, I prayed about my job situation. I prayed that I would be in the Lord’s will. But until I really stopped and “dwelled”, I didn’t see any movement, any change. And I definitely didn’t see a change in my heart. I know the months of waiting was a process where He was teaching me to be content and patient, and to notice all that He was doing in me and around me.
And now I am about to enter a new season. One that I am welcoming with open arms. Sometimes change can be good. And I am so ready for it!
Just to give a run-down of all that has happened this month:
–let’s pause right here and just talk about what kinds of things this did for my crazy-planner-girl heart. —
Woah. Thank you Jesus for all You have done. And tomorrow we leave for a leadership retreat with our church, which I feel is perfectly timed. 🙂