Do you and your significant other speak the same language? Probably not.

Hopefully, you speak the same physical language, but you’re probably not speaking the same love language, and that’s completely okay. You don’t have to speak the same language, but you need to be able to translate what your spouse (or boyfriend/girlfriend) is saying.

Let’s say you went to a foreign country, and you didn’t speak the language. Someone walks up to you and starts yelling and waving their arms around. You have ZERO idea what they’re trying to say, but you can tell they are upset. You have no idea what to do or say to make it better.

This is what marriage is like sometimes.

More than likely, you and your significant other aren’t speaking the same language. Step one is to figure out what you each of you speaks.

You’ve may have heard of the love languages before, based on the book by Gary Chapman, but if you haven’t, there are five:

• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch
• Quality Time
• Receiving Gifts

If you don’t know, you can take the quiz. You’ll have more than one, and it will show you which ones are your top three.

Let’s give an example. Let’s say the wife LOVES to get gifts. The husband knows this, so he gets her something special every couple of months. The wife loves his thoughtful presents.

She decides to stop home on the way to work one day and get his favorite kind of candy. After surprising him, she didn’t get the reaction she wants. In fact, he barely reacted at all.

Why was this? Because they don’t speak the same language! The wife speaks gifts. The husband doesn’t.

Why does it matter? Well, you don’t have to speak the same language, but you at least need to know what the other is speaking.

With us, Katie loves act service, but STRONGLY DISLIKES physical touch. Mitchel, on the other hand, likes physical touch and quality time. We are almost exact opposites in our love languages.

Once we realized this, it changed the way we showed appreciation and love. Instead of sending Katie a sweet text every Monday, I tried doing the laundry before she got home from work, or sweeping the kitchen. It showed her I cared, not only because I took the time to do the housework, but because I was speaking her language.

Communication in marriage (or any relationship) is key. If you don’t know your loved one’s language, communication is going to be a struggle.